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Table of Content

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About the Author

Becoming Allies...

For more information or if you need assistance in purchasing Becoming Allies, or would like to order multiple copies, please use the order form below, or call our office at (503) 297-7979. Phones are answered Monday through Friday from 9:00am to 5:30pm.


Order forms can be mailed or emailed to Allies in Change's main office:

Allies in Change

1675 SW Marlow Avenue, STE 110

Portland, OR. 97225


Book Order Form

Delivery & Return Policy


Purchasing Becoming Allies...

Becoming Allies is a book that has been written for several different audiences.


Most of all it is written for abusive partners who are enrolled in a program.  It can be a required or recommended reading that attendees of abuse intervention programs can read on their own, straight through.  It can also be used like a textbook where everyone in the group is asked to read a certain chapter between groups with the next group focusing on material related to that particular chapter.


It is written for abusive partners who are not yet in a program or are just starting out on their journey of self-awareness.  It should be noted that throughout the book they are encouraged to consider enrolling in a group for abusive partners if they are not presently in one.  This may also be a first step in helping to raise their awareness about this issue in their lives.  The next step would be to enroll in a program.


Professionals in the field are likely to find it a helpful and informative book to read.  It is likely to validate many of the observations, thoughts, and perceptions of more seasoned abuse intervention professionals.  It provides an excellent and comprehensive introduction to the issue of abusive partners for those newer to the field.  Everyone is likely to learn from reading this book as it introduces some distinct concepts developed by the author such as radiating intensity, primary accountability, the bully effect, and preemptive reassurance, among others. 


Survivors and those professionals who work with them are also likely to find this book helpful and informative in better understanding what drives abusive behavior while also clearly naming many aspects of the abused partner’s experience. 

Who Should Read This Book?

Allies in Change is a non-profit social activist organization and counseling services center. We offer individual counseling, couples counseling, and group counseling for men and women struggling with a variety of issues, including relationship issues, rebuilding trust, anger, depression, stress, anxiety, significant life transitions, PTSD, as well as many other issues.


As a social activist organization, we seek to prevent domestic violence by offering community trainings, education, and outreach to local organizations and the public to raise awareness about domestic violence.


On a national/international level Allies in Change is committed to two broad goals: raising public awareness of intimate partner violence (IPV) and supporting abuse intervention programs improve the quality of their services.


Goal one:  Raising public awareness

Most people, including many in abusive relationships, have a stereotypical and limited understanding of domestic violence.  Many wrongly believe it primarily consists of extreme physical violence that is illegal and leaves the abuse partner in fear of their life.  If they cannot check off at least one, if not all three of those aspects, then many do not consider it to be IPV.  In fact, most IPV involves non-physical abuse that is not illegal and does not leave the abuse partner in fear of their life. 


There is also often limited understanding of other aspects of IPV such as the underlying pattern it forms and the many ways it manifests itself as well as other common aspects of it.  As people receive more thorough and comprehensive training to better understand the true nature of IPV in its nuance and complexity, they are much more likely to see it in their own relationships as well as those in other family members, friends, co-workers, customers/clients, and other community members.  This can allow them to name it, raise awareness in others, and support others in getting the assistance they need through their roles as family member, friend, co-worker, service provider, or community member. 


Goal two:  Improving the quality of abuse intervention services

Most abuse intervention programs are small and part-time endeavors with limited staff and very limited funding.  Many programs cannot afford on-going professional education, supervision, and professional development.  Allies in Change is willing to share the resources it has developed at little to no cost to other programs.  It is also committed to further developing and refining its resources based on the accumulated wisdom and experience of its staff, the abusive and abused partners who utilize its services, and from the lessons learned by other programs and staff from around the country and the world.  It also seeks to keep abreast of the latest research and developments in the field.  All of this is intended to be shared as inexpensively and as broadly as possible. 

Allies in Change's Mission

You can help support the important work of Allies in Change financially in two different ways.

The first is to purchase the book Becoming Allies... directly from us through our website.  When you purchase directly from AIC, the nonprofit receives more of the book's finanical proceeds compared when you purchase the book through a standard retailer, while the cost to you is the same.  The second is to consider making a tax-deductible contribution to the agency, which is a 501(c)3 private non-profit.  This additional revenue will allow us to continue to improve and develop our services as well as subsidize trainings and consultation we provide to other programs from all over.  

Supporting Allies in Change

 Book Appendices & Handouts

Appendix F: Self-Care Plan

Appendix G: Journal

Controlling Behaviors

List of Emotions

12 Reasons Why Couples Counseling is Not Appropriate When DV is Present